I had the craziest dream last night . .

  Every once in a while you have a dream so real that you can still feel it long after you've woken up. Well last night was my turn for just that.
  I was the me I am now (i.e. married, my age), and had gone back to work for the Olive Garden. Ryan was currently out of town for work and I was doing fine with that. So, my first night back to work at the Olive Garden and my first and only table was Ryan's entire family. Not just his immediate family, but EVERYONE! There was close to 50 people sitting around all of these tables pushed together to make one big enough for their party, and I was serving them all by myself. (Anyone who knows anything about serving/waitressing knows that for roughly every 10 customers there is another server. So, basically I should of had about four other people helping me out, but no, it was all me!)
  Everything started out just fine. As in they got there, found the table and all found a seat. It pretty much went downhill from there. I started with collecting their drink orders. Not a hard task (in reality), but for some reason I couldn't understand anything they were saying. (You know how you just stop asking someone to repeat something after the 4th time and just pretend like you've heard them? Well it was kind of like that. Fine in normal situations, not so fine when taking someone's order.) I was nervous in front of the table. It was the first time that I was meeting so many of his family and they were all watching me so closely as I fumbled through my little welcome speech and wrote down their drink orders (or as close as I could figure their drink orders were).
  The problem being with so many of them, was that by the time I got from one end of the table to the other just trying to understand what they wanted to drink, the other end was ready to order! So, back to the beginning to start all over again. I had no problem hearing their food orders (thank goodness!). After getting through that as quickly as I could (which in reality was not the quick, as I could tell by the eyes already being rolled in my general direction and water glasses already empty) I was off to get their order into the computer. I wanted to get the food order in first since that would obviously take longer, so I wanted to time the meal just perfect. After another 15 of putting in their food orders, I finally ordered the drinks. The bartender calls me over because he can't even understand what I've put into the system! It's one big hot mess! The head cook is already calling me into the kitchen to have me help decode the order and it seemed like they were staffed with all new people because no one else really knew what they were doing either.
  I finally go over and pick up the drinks and take them over to deliver them to the table. The second I'm in sight of the table I see "the look". As my eyes slowing work their way down the never ending table, along the way every face is showing signs of patience lost. Heads shaking slowly side to side, eyes rolling, whispered conversations and then my eyes make it to the opposite end of the far table. And sitting right at the end is Ryan's dad, and he gives me "the look", the look of total disappointment. (And even as I write this line it brings tears to my eyes). I slowly start handing out the drinks, trying to get them to the right people, but nothing that I ordered was right, and of course as they were telling me this time what they had wanted I heard them just perfectly. But as I'm only half way down this endless table, THE FOOD IS BEING DELIVERED! Trays and trays and trays of food are pouring out of the kitchen and I'm trying to direct the other servers (who apparently are around only to help with deliver the food) where the meals need to go, but I still have the drinks in my hand, it hits me that I totally forgot all of their soup and salads, and his dad from the far end of the table (from hell) is still giving me "the look".
  As soon and the food was on the table and in front of the right person, they already had their credit cards in the air and they were just ready to leave and get out of there. Everyone seemed to be paying separately (which is so confusing). So I start making my way down the table, collecting credit cards, and going at a snails pace because I am dreading reaching the other end of the table. Where Ryan's father is. (yeah, you guessed it). Still giving me "the look". I don't remember exactly what he said to me when I finally reached him, but I'm pretty sure that it was something about how basically I should end up "comping" or "writing off" some of the balance on account of everything going horribly wrong which resulted in the worst dining experience in the world. (in not so many words, but that's how I felt after what he said. Although now, I just like to think that he said it because he's "basically a cheap bastard", his words, not mine!). As I walked away from him, I made it about half way back down the table when one of Ryan's cousins (that I've never met before) grabbed my arm, and guided me down to the seat next to him. He asked me how I was doing and I just kind of looked up at him from under my brow in that sarcastic way that I do, and he just laughed and said that it would be fine. That taking care of that many people would be difficult for ANY one person to do, and timing a meal of that size would be almost impossible in almost any circumstance.
  And then instead of feeling better, I lost it, and just started crying. Harder than I probably ever have in my life. More than his entire family already hating me, and the disappointment from his father, all I could think about was how much I missed Ryan and just needed him there. That it would make everything okay. I told his cousin that I might not be able to serve 50 people, but I knew exactly how to time breakfast for Ryan in the mornings to make sure that he's not late for work.

  And then I woke up.

  My face still wet with tears, I curled up next to Ryan and wrapped my arms around him. And everything was okay.

Things I realized from my dream:
* I know Ryan's family doesn't hate me, and that his father couldn't be more proud of me and I'm pretty sure isn't even capable of a disappointing look. I know that this is about my own insecurities and not ever wanting to ever disappoint anyway or let anyone down.
*  But the biggest thing that I've realized is that I need my husband. I know that I can be a little too "independent" sometimes in my marriage, and having someone around all the time that I have to compromise with is taking some getting use to. And that, yeah, I'm not meant to serve 50 people. I only need to serve 1. This is EXACTLY where I am meant to be. (Even though the dream was a pretty messed way of teaching me that!)

 So, Ryan, party of one, your table is ready!